Arrows in the neck

There’s a conversation I have with a friend of mine every time a movie trailer comes on. I call to him in the next room...

Me: Hey man, you’d like this movie.

Friend: Why?

M: Yeah, you’d really like this.

F: You watching the trailer?

M: Yeah, you’d like it.

F: Do you like it?

M: Myeah, not really.

F: Why not?

M: Story doesn't look very good.

F: So why will I like it?

M: Arrows in the neck.

F: Hmm.

M: You love arrows in the neck...

F: Shuddup, man...

It’s like a code. It doesn't matter what the story is or who’s in it, I know this buddy of mine will like a movie if it in some way features what I call ‘arrows in the neck’. It’s that ‘extra-mile’ of violent effects that means every punch, every bullet wound is in slow motion and the filmmakers have gone out of their way to depict five new awesome injuries that normal people would never think about. Like arrows in the neck.

So we have these little conversations and I tease him and its fun. He knows he loves arrows in the neck. I know he loves them. And we both know its power over him is something to be embarrassed about. To him, that special brand of ruthless-clever action trumps almost anything else a film might have to offer him, good or bad. The problem comes when I need a recommendation from him.

You see, this particular bias informs every decision this guy makes when he’s evaluating a movie. He sees everything through an ‘Is there arrows in the neck?’ lens. Worst of all he doesn't know when it’s influencing him or to what degree. And so neither do I. This means that if my 'arrows' aren't the same as his 'arrows', his reviews will do me no good whatsoever.

I realised this issue was bigger than my friends when, in a vague attempt to bond with a work colleague, I asked if he’d seen a particular action movie. It was one of the Marvels, maybe an Ironman, and he said that he’d seen it and really liked it. Immediately, I was thinking: “Wow, maybe I've underestimated this guy. That was a pretty great movie. We could have similar tastes...” I started asking if, like me, he had felt that the villain was much more of a sympathetic character than you’d expect, and that his depth was observable as early as the first big fight scene. The guy looked at me for a second, then smiled and said, “Yeah, It’s so awesome how Ironman just uses all his missiles at once.”

And I knew we were not talking the same language. Sure, we both liked a film. But I had been touched by the intrinsic morality of the narrative and he had been impressed by the explosions. Which brought me to the conclusion that whenever someone tells you they really liked a movie, you must always ask them why. The more insight you get into their system of evaluation, the more useful their information will be to you. Because then you can take their bias into account. And ignore most of what they say.

And yes, that goes for everyone. Everyone has an ‘arrows in the neck’. Mothers, girlfriends, workmates, grandparents, tiny children. They all love a very small selection of things and hate a very small selection of things, not all of them predictable. And if a movie contains even a hint of the things they love and hate, or even reminds them of those things, the balance will be tipped and that person will fall in love/hate with the movie.

My ‘arrows in the neck’ is superpowers. As a writer I like to think I have some degree of control over this bias, because I know more than the average Joe about how a movie can manipulate my emotions, sell me a perspective. But I can still be wooed by a very mediocre film if it contains superpowers. I’m willing to put up with a lot to see superpowers on screen. Superpowers and Keira Knightley.

Then there’s the stuff that I just don’t feel inclined to watch. Like comedies about being drunk. Or movies where ‘strong female role models’ in armour that covers less than half their body surprise all the men around them by showing strong leadership skills. It’s the kind of stuff I can mostly see coming in the trailers, so I know how to avoid it. And that’s an important skill – bad movie avoidance - because who wants to realise ten minutes in that they just ate forty dollars worth of snacks and they’re already bored.

So I guess this whole rant of mine is really just a warning. Trust what people say when they tell you about a movie. But make sure you find out their ‘arrows in the neck’ first. And only trust them as far as those arrows allow. Otherwise you’ll end up watching Keira Knightley run around in straps of leather impressing dudes by putting arrows in people’s necks.

Then again, I didn't mind King Arthur, actually...